#I spend way too much time analyzing block people

[jolynesmom]

reasons you’re unable to enter the void or shift while lucid dreaming or in sleep paralysis

recently I received a couple of messages from followers and other blogs explaining how, when they were in sleep paralysis or lucid dreaming, were unsuccessful in reaching the void or shifting after stating their intentions

this also happened to me a couple of times, seemingly at random; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t

I did a bit of research and also analyzed my own experiences to figure out the root of the problem and how to fix it:

you’re not completely grounded/you’re rushing

this took me an embarrassing amount of tries to realize this, but every time I’m lucid dreaming or feeling myself entering the void, I would instantly start to spew out my intentions/desires instead of completely grounding myself in there and I would be instantly kicked out from that state. I guess it just doesn’t work that way — you have to be completely grounded in your ld or sp for your desires to manifest

a lot of you (me included) get so excited or scared when realizing we’re in a certain state that the connection, I guess, breaks. as an example, when I wasn’t very knowledgeable on the void state I entered it and chilled there for like 10-15 minutes before exiting willingly, but after discovering it can be used for shifting or manifesting I could barely spend 10 seconds there before waking up unintentionally

mental exhaustion

your psyche is exhausted and it simply can’t proceed the instructions anymore. imagine you stay awake for more than 24 hours and someone asks you to do a task that requires concentration and precision. would you be able to do it perfectly? I highly doubt

to get over this issue you need to take a serious break, and I don’t mean you can’t attempt anything for a day or two, I mean a BREAK — don’t even think about shifting or entering the void and chill and sleep as much as possible. I mean it, especially sleeping! fix your sleep schedule or sleep lots for 2-3 days

after you start your attempts again, if the first few instances are unsuccessful, you need to take another break before continuing, otherwise you risk of repeating the same scenario over again — reaching your desired state but not being able to do anything from there due to mental strain

brain activation trigger

brain activity changes — realizing you are dreaming changes how your brain works, especially in parts that help you think about yourself and make decisions. these changes can wake you up; knowing you are dreaming can make you feel excited or surprised - these strong feelings can wake you up too

mental blockages and expectations

your subconscious mind might have doubts or fears regarding the process. if you unconsciously expect that your attempts won’t work or fear the consequences of them working, this can create a mental block — this is actually more common than people think and a lot of you don’t even realize you have these blockages

overexcitement

if you become too excited or anxious about the possibility of your desires manifesting, this can trigger your body to wake up. remaining calm and composed is very important (even though we can’t help ourselves at times). overexcitement goes hand in hand with other strong emotions such as fear, so make sure you’re in a neutral state

subconscious programming

your subconscious might need more time and positive reinforcement to accept and integrate the idea of shifting realities, entering the void or manifesting desires. using affirmations, subliminals and visualizations regularly can help reprogram your subconscious mind

timing

certain times of the night or stages of sleep might be more conducive to successful lucid dreaming/sleep paralysis and shifting. experimenting with different times and conditions can help you so much!!

as an example: I have an easier time entering the void by meditating at night after 1 a.m., but I have an easier time doing wbtb and lucid dreaming between 8-11 a.m.

I honestly think that what can help you overcome this is self reflection — a lot of you search for answers but never bother to answer them yourselves. by self reflecting throughout my journey has helped me identify my weaknesses, how to fix them, what works for me and other tricks to speed up the process or make it more enjoyable

[aealzx]

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Prologue | AO3

Previous Next

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“You came all the way out here to ask me to identify a plant?” Pamela was understandably incredulous as she blocked Tim from entering her current residence.

“Weeelll,” Tim drawled, shrugging with one shoulder. “Spoiler and Orphan said you’d be the best to contact. We could go elsewhere, but then I’d have to find somewhere else for these bacon and egg sandwiches,” he explained, revealing the hand that was behind his back to be holding a paper bag for a local food joint. It was a bribe. Or payment for services rendered if one wanted to be posh about it. But he was fine calling it a bribe.

“Aw hell yeah!” Harleen’s voice came from further in the establishment, and Tim caught just the faintest hint of a smile twitching Pamela’s mouth. She tried to resist, but Tim held his ground with a decidedly innocent smile, the bag of egg sandwiches still held in offering.

Eventually Pamela sighed and held out her hand. “Fine. What identifiers do you have for it?” she relented, letting Tim set the bag of food on her palm.

“Not much honestly. The locals call it a blood blossom, but I doubt it’s a haemanthus coccineus. We don’t have a picture, but we’re told it looks like a red rose bud with black leaves,” Tim answered. He’d done his own research already while waiting for the food to be made, and that was part of the reason he didn’t feel bad for following through with the others’ idea to ask Pamela. He had a few guesses already, but it would be nice to get a second opinion.

“A rose with black leaves?” Pamela repeated, her disappointed expression becoming thoughtful. “That’s it? Nothing else?” she asked soon after, frowning deeper if possible.

“Nothing else,” Tim confirmed, both disappointed and pleased that Pamela also didn’t seem able to come up with an answer.

“Sounds made up,” Pamela answered bluntly, shifting to move back into the building. “There aren’t any roses with black leaves unless they’re mutilated. The closest you’ll get is a begonia switzerland if you’re just going by appearance.”

“Oh…. that’s what I thought too,” Tim hummed, raising a curled finger to his chin.

Pamela’s eye twitched. “Then why did you-.... Goodbye,” she stammered, then figured it wasn’t worth her time to deal with Tim further, and closed the door on him.

Tim could only snort in amusement, raising his voice for just a moment. “Thanks for the info! Enjoy the food!” he called, grinning as he turned to grapple himself back to the rooftops.

So the blood blossoms were either an extremely obscure name for some other plant, or they didn’t actually exist. And if they didn’t exist, then what had poisoned Danny? At least Dick and Damian were heading straight to the manor to follow up with Alfred about meals, and bring the tissue sample with the plant based poison to where Bruce could use their tech to better analyze it. And Barbara had already mentioned she’d meet them there, so while they might not have a good start on two of the three questions they should at least be able to figure out who these kids were exactly.

—----------

“They don’t exist,” Barbara’s conclusion about the five Phantom kids they had custody of was short, but did little to answer any questions the others had. After spending a few hours gathering her data she had decided to join the others at the manor, the three who had returned from the rescue mission, Bruce, and her now gathered in the Bat Cave by the computer. Admittedly that hadn’t been something they fully expected to hear, so there were sagging shoulders from both Dick and Tim at the announcement.

“You ran the search in all of the databases, yeah?” Tim asked, immediately trying to figure out what they had missed. Barbara was usually extremely thorough. It was hard to believe she came up with nothing on a group of five people. Especially when two of them had superhuman abilities.

“Yes, Tim,” Barbara responded quickly. “If you’ll let me continue before you try to solve the problem yourself I’ll save you some steps,” she added, getting a mildly teasing smile. When Tim relented with a mild shrug Barbara turned her chair back to the computer, pulling her reports up on the huge monitor.

“The DNA samples came up with no results. Amity Park doesn’t exist on any map. There’s no social media posts about any combination of their names. And the photo Jason sent of Jazz’s ID also has no results. It doesn’t even resemble the official driver’s license format of Illinois or any of the other states, so it’s not hard to see why the bank teller would call it a fake,” she listed, bringing up the reports from her data scouring as she mentioned them. “The only activity I can track from them is here in Gotham, starting 72 days ago. I believe that’s when they first arrived here.”

The date caused Bruce to shift, breaking out of his silence once it seemed Barbara had finished summarizing her findings and drawing a connection to a separate report he’d gotten more than a month ago. “72 days ago is when the Justice League got readings of an anomaly on the outskirts of Gotham. Investigations revealed some remains of unknown technology, but no one was there with it.”

“...What kind of anomaly?” Dick asked, tensing slightly at a thought that crossed his mind. Unknown DNA, unusable bank and ID cards, two of them claiming to be beings that were never heard of before now.

“Please don’t say multiverse breach,” Tim whined, revealing that he’d had the same thoughts as Dick.

Instead of answering them Bruce just opened a different report, having been locating it as his sons had been speaking. When the data appeared on screen both Dick and Tim let out extended groans, their forms sagging even more as Barbara chuckled softly.

“It had to be dimension garbage,” Tim whined more, squinting at the report confirming suspected multiverse breach residue in the affected area.

“That explains all the missing data,” Barbara commented, just glad to have an explanation for why all her research was coming up blank prior to the anomaly. It was because they literally had nothing on this earth before then, and not because they were some sort of geniuses that could manage such an extensive data wipe to make even her systems come up with blanks.

“That also explains why Dr. Isley was unfamiliar with the blood blossoms,” Damian added, seeming unfazed by the revelation.

“And literally everything else that was weird about them,” Tim encompassed, frustration bleeding into his tone. What kind of puzzle didn’t even have answers in this world? He felt like that was cheating.

“Do they seem aware that they are no longer in their dimension? We’re sure this wasn’t a deliberate transport?” Bruce asked, masking his growing concern for the dislocated children by suggesting they might still be hiding something.

“Please, these kids can’t hide anything that well,” Tim huffed, giving a wry smile. “The only reason they’re able to hide anything is because they’re also oblivious. Otherwise it’s way too easy to tell they’re keeping something a secret.”

Bruce only frowned more at the response, and Barbara couldn’t help add her own support of the idea that the Phantoms had no idea they weren’t even close to home. “They seemed to have had enough to deal with, I don’t think they had time to consider it. Almost 80% of their activity ties back to them looking for ectoplasm. The other 20% is just general medical care and necessities of living.”

“Ectoplasm is the stuff they said Danny needed,” Dick added unnecessarily.

“I remember,” Bruce responded, though he could also understand why the kids had such a hard time tracking down a source. Most of Gotham didn’t even believe in ghosts, and the only people he or his family knew that matched the category were Boston and Greta. “Their search led them to a Lazarus water exchange.”

“Yeah. But apparently even though it’s similar enough, the Lazarus water is ‘freaky’ and they don’t want to use it according to Danielle,” Dick confirmed, using air quotes for what the small girl had said.

“All five of them have traces of another substance I’ve never seen before that seems similar to residue from Lazarus water as well,” Barbara spoke up to add, reaching over to the computer once more as she once again had their attention. The DNA analysis reports were enlarged, and she used a screen sketch app to mark the unusual traces. “It’s most prominent in Danielle and Danny, though Danny’s levels read a lot lower. But the other three have small traces as well.”

“The one called Danielle made mention of Danny having expended a significant amount of energy, to the point his accelerated healing ability has been hindered. And that there was a lack of locations with an abundance of said energy for them to absorb,” Damian recalled, ignoring the face Tim pulled as he slowly turned to look at him.

“You made that sound way more complicated than she did,” Tim grimaced.

“Silence Drake,” Damian retorted simply.

Dick could only snicker while keeping his gaze on the reports like Bruce was doing. “This will make it easier to track some of the substance down. I’ll see if I can create a collection device to make it easier for us to get larger amounts, and work on a way to neutralize the residual plant material,” Bruce commented, already making plans for the next course of action.

“After dinner,” Dick enforced, resting his hands on the back of Bruce’s chair.

Bruce seemed to consider it, falling silent and keeping his gaze on the monitor, giving no answer other than a short grunt after a long stretch of quiet.

Dick only leaned on the chair more, pulling it back slightly. “Aaaaafter dinner, Bruce. Thirty minutes isn’t going to be that big of a loss,” he prodded.

“...Alfred put you up to this, didn’t he,” Bruce pointed out instead of responding to the request.

“He did,” Dick confirmed, admitting to being requested to make sure Bruce got at least one hearty meal before getting lost in his work once again.

Bruce considered it longer, and by then the rest of his children were already on their way back upstairs. Did he really want Alfred hassling him again? “... Very well. After dinner,” he relented, getting to his feet with a slight sigh and locking the computer screen.

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Dimension hopping confirmed~ And I just realized I now have 2 fanfics that involve dimension hopping X'D that was unintentional.

Questions for the people following/interested: because I'm not familiar with most of DC or really DP's canon and fanon content and there's so freaking much of it out there, which characters would you like to see involved? No guarantees that they'll be in if I can't figure out how to get them to fit, but I need somewhere to start researching stuff X'DD. Also there's essentially 2 goals, wake Danny up, and get Team Phantom back home. How difficult should these tasks be, and which one would people rather have more focus on?

This fic originated from a prompt I found, so I think it might be fun to kind of keep that going? A different kind of writing exercise than what I'm used to. So that's why the questions instead of me just going heheh have a cliffhanger.

Though I will say I'm still of the opinion of no romance, so please don't suggest pairings |D

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Tag list: @galaxy-sharks-and-bottled-ships, @starscreamlover, @nerdynonnativenarnian, @dragongoblet, @zeestarfishalien, @bellathecatastrophe, @cj-ghostemoji-destielpie, @asexual-insomniac, @wolfeyedwitch, @tkiesai, @fanaroff, @raven1508, @nebulainajar, @serasvictoria02, @oliocelottafanfics, @honeysuckletook, @omniithe-deer, @wolf-under-the-stars, @gingernutcalo, @that-random-fangirl

[crucifiedramblings]

liability — unsub!spencer x bau!reader (part one)

minors dni, adult content ahead. minors/ageless blogs will be blocked.

summary: after a year of being engaged, spencer reid left you behind and resigned from quantico. you haven’t heard from him since, and your life has finally returned to a somewhat normal state. you moved into your own place, got promoted to hotchner’s prior position, and started to heal. it’s been two years since that fateful day when you get an unexpected visitor at the office— and you’re all alone. 

warnings: heavy smut, implied dubcon, manipulation/gaslighting, sadistic themes, pet names, oral (f receiving), fingering, overstimulation if you squint, choking, spit, bruising/marking

word count: 2.4k

next part: n/a

notes: so, spencer being an unsub isn't really discussed (there isn't much talking at all, if we are being real), but he is one of their open cases when him and the reader, uh . . . reconnect. he is more dark-natured and resilient than he used to be. this is gonna be at least two parts, apologies for any leading on i may have done here!

you rubbed your eyes intensely, powering through the last few pages of reports that you had to proofread before faxing over to hotch. when you agreed to take over his job, celebrating his success in moving up the chain of command, you never expected it to be so draining. you rarely got to go home on time, spending most evenings in your office when everyone had long since hit the road. your fellow agents often offered to keep you company, but you refused. there was no good reason that multiple of you had to have a spoiled evening. it was very odd being the boss, but also endearing. you had to make frequent tough calls, some nearly impossible, but it was part of the charm. or, at least, that is what you told yourself to justify it. 

you sipped your coffee, staring at the brazen plate on your door with your name engraved into it. you went as far as to move into hotchner’s old office space, filling the cream-colored walls with frames of pressed flowers and pinned moths. you were a collector of your favorite people and experiences; you kept a dart board for jareau, a mockingjay print for gideon, a colorful puzzle collage for penelope, and— unfortunately— a chess board for spencer. you had other things too, but those were the main items on full display in your office. although, you kept a group photo of you, morgan and hotch on your desk. 

you used the armrests of your chair to push yourself to your feet, stretching and starting the walk to the kitchen area. you made a small snack and a fresh pot of coffee, running to the restroom before pouring a new cup. the steam curled up into the air, the aroma of the grounds filling your nose. as you tried to enjoy the earthy smell, you couldn’t help but feel as though you were being observed or studied, like an animal in its enclosure — analyzed. you turned slowly, greeted with an empty room and a door that was slightly ajar, although you could’ve sworn it was closed when you came in. it was getting late, nearing almost two in the morning by now. your memory has never proved to be the most reliable when deprived of much-needed rest. 

you slowly tugged your way back up the stairs to your office, the elevators being locked down after a certain time. rounding the corner, you narrowed your eyes, confused to find your office flooded in darkness. the lamp had shut off when you were gone. you didn’t like how this felt — you weren’t losing it, were you? this floor had frequent surges in random rooms, so it wasn’t entirely nerve-wracking. you sighed, blindly making your way to the lamp in the far corner and tugging the cord to turn it on. you allowed your eyes to adjust, making a disgruntled groan when you remembered the reports waiting for you. 

as you turned to sit back at your computer, you were met with a very familiar face — doctor spencer reid. he sat, nonchalantly occupying your chair with a hairpin curve of a smirk on his lips. he looked smug. you weren’t sure if it was because he had been able to sneak past security without detection, or because he was able to sneak past you. your face fell flat, dropping the mug of coffee you had been carrying. it shattered on the floor, hot coffee spilling all over your leather shoes. you didn’t even care, so stunned that you couldn’t bring yourself to speak. spencer picked up on that, standing from the chair in one swift motion and approaching your smaller frame. 

“you look wonderful,” his voice was melodious to your ears, even if it shouldn’t have been, “even better than the day i left.” spencer let a low chuckle bubble up from his chest, gently grasping your hands in his own. you ripped away from his touch furiously, stepping back as your eyes stung with prickling tears that collected in the corners. 

“you don’t—” you sniffled, swiping your hair out of your face, “you don’t get to fucking do that! you don’t get to drop everything, abandon the people you love, just to come back whenever you feel like it!” you raised your voice, determined to make him feel what you had, “get the fuck out.” you gestured to the door and shoved past him, sitting in your chair and starting up the report you had due. spencer lingered by the introductory door plate, reading it with a chuckle. 

“you really made something of yourself, huh, angel?” spencer’s voice adorned a soft and flirty lilt, “i’m so proud of you—” he approached your desk once more, leaning across and steadying his weight on his palms. “i don’t think you really want me to leave, do you, pup?” he circled your desk like he was a starving piranha, placing his hands on either side of your chair and forcing you to have nowhere else to go. he leaned in close, face dipping down to your neck as he left a trail of haphazard kisses along your jaw and throat. he occasionally pulled the tender skin between his teeth, sucking down hard and fast to see what kind of noise he could force from your perfect mouth. “i think you still need me, even if you don’t want to.” spencer hummed, tongue running a stripe of saliva along your collar. 

“stop,” you weakly whispered, only because your pride wouldn’t allow you to tell him what you truly wanted; him. spencer had been gone so long, you almost forgot how effortlessly good he made you feel. the wet patch on your panties tripled in size the longer he toyed with you, but everything aside, he hurt you. he abandoned you. yet, in this moment, no hurt he was responsible for mattered. you knew that if hotch were here, he would have talked some sense into you. unfortunately, spencer knew how to melt your brain right out of your cunt in the most devious ways. 

“am i making you nervous?” spencer danced his fingertips along your collarbones and released a content sigh, “i’m willing to bet that i am— the way your breath hitches when i touch you, clenching your teeth and trying to hide any sign of how turned on you’ve gotten from the lightest brush of my fingers—” he took a brief pause, gently sliding your blazer from your shoulders as you absent-mindedly parted your back from the chair to assist him. “the human body is so strange; you could be the best profiler in the bau, keeping your emotions under wraps with no error, and your silent cues would still give away everything i need to know.” spencer’s voice dipped into a low, sultry tone as he felt the newly exposed skin of your upper torso. 

“and—” you cleared your throat, straightening your posture as you locked eyes with the other in an attempt to assert yourself. “what do my silent cues tell you, doctor reid?” you narrowed your eyes, trying to persuade your inner, more sex-driven monologue to stop thinking about his hands on your—

“you’re torn,” spencer started, “part of you wants to kill me for leaving you— but you have to understand, sweetheart— you would have just gotten in the way. you weren’t ready for that kind of lifestyle.” you were confused, to say the least, and his patronizing tone only made you more pissed until he grasped your jaw and forced you to keep eye contact. “i’ve been very bad,” he grinned, “and i didn’t want to bring you down that road with me.” his expressions, his dialogue— all of it was reminiscent of the likable villain in a suspense film; although, in your line of work, there was rarely such a thing. 

“what about the other part?” you spoke up once his grip on your face has loosened, hands shoving into the pockets of his slacks. it was your turn to do the profiling, you thought, observing his pacing from the door to the window as he was almost lost in thought. spencer seemed uncomfortable in his clothes, as though he had avoided wearing business attire since the last time he worked in quantico. to you, it appeared as though he dressed up for this interaction, as though he wanted it to be memorable. he wore white socks, wanting to bring more attention to his shoes— brown leather oxfords, the same exact pair you bought him for his thirtieth birthday. 

his voice interrupted your long-winded hypothesis on his wardrobe choices, and you noticed that he was significantly closer than when you had gotten distracted. spencer was now behind your chair, hands gently caressing your shoulders and chuckling to himself. “the other part of you,” he dipped down to whisper in your ear, “wants me to bend you right over your own desk and show you how sorry i am for leaving you behind.” you silently froze, any words in response getting caught in your throat. you couldn’t bring yourself to make a sound, as if any noise would make him disappear. 

“why did you wait so long to come back?” you quietly asked, and he immediately spun your chair around to face him. spencer leaned in, pressing his lips to yours gently and moving fluidly with you at your chosen pace. he hummed, pulling away as he lapped up a bit of your spit from his lower lip. 

“derailing your life wasn’t my choice to make, my sweet girl.” spencer’s dark eyes grew soft, although you could tell it wasn’t as genuine as he wanted to sound. “i always stayed close, though.” his tone made you nervous, as though he were alluding to something. your eyes darted to the computer screen, reading a message from hotch that had just been sent through, until spencer ripped the cord from the wall and pushed the entire system onto the floor. 

before you could properly react, spencer was back onto you, lips attacking yours with a newfound desire and aggression. you melted into him, hands roaming anywhere and everywhere you could reach. his left hand snaked down to your thighs, pushing your skirt up and applying pressure against the front of your underwear. you shivered, a small gasp flooding from your throat as his middle finger effortlessly made a glide down your damp slit. he peeled your panties away from your body, making a comment about how your wetness had pooled slightly in the lower half of your chair. your face flushed with embarrassment as you quickly kicked off your heels and allowed your undergarments to fall to the floor. 

spencer took his time with your skirt, knowing it was one of your favorites. he assisted you to your feet, sliding the garment over the curves of your hips and drinking in the sight of your bare lower half. his erection had been slowly and steadily pitching a tent in his pants as the two of you took your time, savoring each other as long as possible. 

spencer pulled you flush against his torso and kissed you with unresolved pain and passion, letting his free hand dip between your thighs once more to rub circles into your clit. you let out a conflicted moan, burying your face into his chest and slightly rolling your hips into his touch. he chuckled, removing his fingers from your sweet spot and weaving them into your hair. he grabbed a fistful, tugging your head back in a swift, hard motion. you let out a subtle grunt, eyes staring at him in a way you could only describe as lovesick. 

“can i be rough with you?” spencer asked, voice low and hesitant. you were confused; he never wanted to be rough before, although you always hoped he would be. you nodded eagerly, practically begging. you wanted tonight to leave you bruised and exhausted, knowing you may not see him again. his eyes were dark, and he tossed you to the floor with a grin. you took a breath as you hit the ground, lying limp for him as you wondered what he had been waiting to do to you for so long. 

you watched with curious eyes as spencer swept his arm languidly across your desk and knocked everything onto the floor. he effortlessly hoisted you up and bent you over the polished wooden surface, smoothing his palms across your ass before striking your bare left cheek with no warning. you yelped, clutching the sides of the desk with white knuckles. he hit the other cheek a bit softer, humming before trying again when the previous hit’s reaction wasn’t to his liking. you let out a slightly strangled moan as he continued to land another blow, making your backside a rosy shade of pink. 

spencer wedged his shoe between your feet, forcefully spreading your legs. he ghosted his fingertips across your clit and you quietly begged. he tugged your hair, lifting you up to his level, “keep your fucking mouth shut and i’ll reward you.” spencer dropped you back onto the desk, making sure to keep his hand on your belly to lessen the impact on your ribs. you quietly gasped as he shoved his fingers into your wet cunt, curling them into you painfully slowly as you pushed back into him. his other hand firmly held your hips in place, warning you to keep still unless you wanted him to stop. 

. . .

hotch groaned, dialing your phone once again. he was anxiously pacing his livingroom, trying not to wake jack as he started to feel the panic set in. he found his eyes tracing the whiteboard again, the old one he had decided to lug out of his garage because he was always better at connecting the missing parts if he could visualize them. hotch had several photos taped up, lines connecting them between scenes and witness statements. there were only two things he knew for sure about this unsub; one— the suspect at large had experience in the field of law enforcement, and two— the suspect had an abnormally high iq. coupling those together with the timeline of events, hotch had made a break; the unsub they had been searching for was spencer reid. 

all of his victims had looked a bit too much like you for it to be coincidental, and were all stalked and referred to as pet names for weeks before their confirmed deaths. hotch had been trying to reach you for the last hour, a strong suspicion arising that spencer was going to visit you at the bureau, and— if he didn’t hurry— would make you his final victim. 

in a worried haze, hotch clipped on his belt, securing his gun in his holster before taking off full speed towards the only place he knew you would be— his old office.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: An EXPLANATION (NOT AN EXCUSE) for the basketball incident

After rewatching different scenes included in 7x4, the basketball scene where Buck appears to ‘intentionally’ bump into Eddie which caused Eddie to be injured pissed me off.  It frustrated me so much that I wanted to figure out why the scene was included in the episode because they were playing a friendly game of basketball and there shouldn't have been any injuries.

Even though I’m not well versed in sports, I do know enough about them to understand tackling someone usually happens in U.S. football not basketball, so the full body contact wasn’t necessary if Buck just wanted to block Eddie’s shot (get it… Buck was trying to block Tommy’s shot with Eddie, it’s a double entendre 🤪😜).  The point is, I figured there had to be more to Buck’s behavior than him just being ‘jealous’ of someone he met like once a couple of weeks prior.  Also, I wanted to know why Buck didn’t immediately apologize to Eddie and I think I may have found the answer.

Full Disclosure: I do NOT condone violence of any kind in any instance because it’s unacceptable behavior no matter how it’s viewed!  It’s never the answer to a dispute and use of words can usually resolve a matter when there's a disagreement.  In this scene BUCK DID NOT DO THAT AND I HATED IT!  Therefore, his actions on the basketball court were unfathomable and it doesn’t matter if they were INTENTIONAL or not since he bumped into Eddie so hard that Eddie fell and injured his ankle.  He could have broken it or received a permanent injury from it, so IT WAS NOT OK!

Before I delve into my interpretation, please understand I don’t think Buck was fully aware and I hope he wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt Eddie.  However, I do think his actions were 70% subconscious and 30% conscious because he had to know on some level, that his actions were over the top especially since he told Maddie he didn’t like how he felt left out from Eddie spending time with Tommy after only two weeks.

THIS POST DOES NOT INTEND TO PROVIDE AN EXCUSE FOR BUCK’S BEHAVIORS, IT’S SIMPLY A POSSIBLE EXPLANATION FOR THEM.

Please note: these are my interpretations and observations of episode 7x4; therefore if someone doesn’t agree, it’s ok because two people can have different opinions and they can coexist.  One person’s opinion about a scene or an episode doesn’t have to be like someone else’s and it doesn’t make one person’s opinion right and the other’s wrong or vice versa.  Everyone consumes and interprets media differently and just because one person sees something one way and they liked it, it doesn’t make it so for someone else since everyone has different backgrounds and experiences.  Please try to use GRACE when reading other’s thoughts on a matter.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program…

Don’t read below the cut if discussions and interpretations of the shooting, Eddie’s breakdown or the basketball scene are triggering.

Before you start reading, please note, THIS IS NOT ABOUT OS!  HE’S THE ACTOR WHO PLAYS BUCK SO DON’T GET THIS POST TWISTED.  BUCK IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND OS IS A REAL PERSON.  NO ONE KNOWS OS PERSONALLY EXCEPT FOR THE PEOPLE HE ALLOWS IN HIS LIFE.

Another Reminder: before you read this please REMEMBER this episode was told from BUCK’S POV!

After carefully analyzing the basketball scene, I remembered something about Buck’s past.  Everyone who knows the character is fully aware that he doesn’t want to be left behind or abandoned again.  That's why it's important to note that in season 7, Maddie’s getting married to Chimney, Bobby and Athena almost died on the cruise and Hen and Karen are adopting a baby.  Everyone in their found family is moving on with their lives and IMO, when Buck realized Eddie had moved on too, he couldn’t handle it because Eddie’s supposed to ALWAYS be there. They have each other's backs and have had them since 2x1. But it seems like Buck forgot one thing, he pushed Eddie away in 6x15 with that BS line about Natalia seeing him and outside of work, they weren't spending time together anymore.

In 7x4, Eddie found a new friend (who wanted him but I’ll elaborate on that in another post) and he was having a great time going to fights in Las Vegas, spending time working on his cars and going to karaoke, basically he was doing the damn thing but Buck couldn’t handle it since Eddie and Chris are his FAMILY!  They’re the two people in his found family that are his but he’s either too scared to say something or I don’t even know what but the point is, he expects them to be there whenever he’s lonely and wants to cook some lasagna or something.  But this time they weren’t since Eddie moved on and Buck didn't know what to do about it (Hint: all he had to do was open his mouth and talk🙄). 

After I remembered the aftermath of the shooting and Eddie’s breakdown, I realized, in Buck’s mind, he thinks the only time he gets to be with Eddie in the way he wants to be with him (AS HIS HUSBAND) is when Eddie’s hurt (related post linked here) which is FALSE AND UNFOUNDED but in Buck’s mind, he doesn’t know that.  If this is his rationale, then he needs to go back to therapy because it’s not true.  Eddie added Buck to his will and named him to be Chris’ legal guardian but it appears he still hasn’t fully dealt with his abandonment issues yet and until he does, it's likely he won't be able to move past them.

Before Eddie found a friend with similar interests (which I thought was great) Buck got to be Eddie’s everything and he was Chris' other dad. He's never been a guest in their home and he's slept on their couch numerous times (related post linked here).

That was then and this is now since things changed in season 7 because it appears Buck started to believe his position in Eddie’s and Chris’ lives was in danger and that’s why he reacted the way that he did in 7x4.  He thinks the only time Eddie and Chris need him is when Eddie’s hurt and to prove my point, I’ve included two examples below.

In 4x14 (full video of the shooting linked here), after Eddie had been shot and he was in the hospital, Buck was at 4995 S. Bedford St. taking care of their son Chris while Eddie’s then girlfriend, Ana was sitting by Eddie’s hospital bed even though he was in a coma. 

Buck had full control of the house and he was fully responsible (with Carla’s assistance whenever he had to go to work) of taking care of Chris, making sure he went to school all while they waited for Eddie to wake up.  Make no mistake, Buck was sitting in Eddie’s chair at the dining room table.  He’s Chris’ other dad and has been for years.

In 5x14 (video linked here), Buck was literally living with Eddie and Chris after Eddie’s breakdown. He was taking care of the house and their son whenever Eddie went to therapy. He made sure Chris did his homework and he was waiting for his HUSBAND (EDDIE) to come home so he could cheer him up👀.

Chris called him in a panic and Buck rushed over to help.  Now, even though Buck had a girlfriend (whom he used to help him get information on how to help Eddie with Equine Therapy), he was literally staying with them to make sure Eddie and Chris both got what they needed.

Bonus points: Buck called Bobby (his found dad) to stay with Eddie so he wouldn’t wake up alone while he left to take Chris to school.

In 7x4, Buck tried everything he could to get EDDIE’S ATTENTION (it was Eddie’s attention he was seeking) but nothing worked since Eddie was so enamored with Tommy and all of Tommy’s toys (I’ll elaborate on this topic too in another post).  Buck was pissed so he encouraged Chimney to go to the basketball game with him but trust and believe Buck wanted to be there so he could see EDDIE!

It appears Buck was irrational and irritated and the more he saw the new bond between Eddie and Tommy, the more furious he became.

This is where things get messy because in Buck’s mind (reminder this is from his POV) it’s possible he thought that if he physically injured Eddie, he’d get his place in Eddie’s life back and he’d be able to play the role of HUSBAND (to Eddie) and DAD (to Chris) like he did in the past.

Buck truly believed Tommy was a threat to his place in Eddie’s life and that’s the reason why he reacted the way he did during the basketball scene.  The idea of him losing Eddie was real this time just like it was during the shooting and Eddie’s breakdown but there's ONE MAJOR DIFFERENCE.

EDDIE’S HAPPY!

He’s not hurting or pressing Buck to hang out with him and Chris because he went and found a life while Buck was entombed in his loft with the death doula.  It’s something Buck couldn’t process or comprehend since he wants Eddie to be there waiting for him.

Buck can’t fathom a life without Eddie and Chris because they're his family and trust and believe he’s never felt threatened by Ana or Marisol because he KNOWS Eddie’s not into them.  Reminder, he was the one who told Eddie to breakup with Ana instead of him trying to stick it out like he said he was going to do. 

Buck is HYPER aware of Eddie in every scenario which is the reason why he noticed Eddie's discomfort in 5x2 while Ana and Chris were at the firehouse. Also, he ignored Ana when they were there. He wouldn't even look at her. Buck's not bothered by Marisol either because if he was, he would have told Eddie in 7x1 to have her talk to Chris about women instead of asking him to do it.

When Buck’s facial expressions are examined, it’s easy to see he looks mortified at what he'd done to Eddie and the hints of their shared trauma from his past was mixed in too. 

This was especially true while Eddie was on the ground.

Bonus points: when was the last time Buck saw Eddie injured and lying on the ground?

Ding, ding, ding… THE SHOOTING!  Buck risked life and limb to save Eddie after he was shot in the middle of the street. And I believe he would have reacted differently if Tommy hadn't stepped in and said something that caused Buck to deflate.

Things were different this time because Eddie wasn’t shot but he was injured but Buck caused it and he wasn't able to fix it or save Eddie and take him home or to the hospital. Buck tried but Tommy shot his own shot which caused Buck to foul out of the game and by proxy he thought out of Eddie's life.

In the above GIFs, it’s easy to see how he wanted to reach out to Eddie but his hands wouldn’t move the same way he couldn’t touch him in 4x14 while they were riding in the back of the 133’s fire engine.

Before I end this post, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how Buck has hurt someone before; it wasn’t physical that time but it was emotional. 

BE CLEAR, I’m not a fan of Taylor Kelly’s and I’m not comparing him asking her to move in with him after he did a dumb thing (his words to Maddie in 5x13) with the way he injured Eddie.  But I am using this as an example to show his lack of comprehension regarding how his actions affect others and the way it continues to persist.

In 5x13, when he went back to the loft and she was sitting on her own couch, he said, “You think I trapped you” and she responded, “Am I wrong?”, his response was, “I’m not sure”.  I think on some level he did know since he was afraid someone else was going to leave him. Eddie wasn't at the 118 and Maddie, Chimney and Jee-Yun had just returned to Los Angeles.

Two years later, in 7x4, Maddie asked him, “You didn’t mean to hurt him (EDDIE), did you?”; he responded, “I don’t know”.   His response was very similar to the one he gave Taylor and on some level, I believe he does know since he was 'jealous' of EDDIE hanging out with someone other than him.

IMO, Buck wasn't able to get the emotional skills one usually obtains while they're growing up because of the raggedy Buckley parents since they emotionally abandoned him and Maddie.  He’s deathly afraid of losing those he loves but he can also be selfish with his presence whenever he gets to make things all about him.  Reminder, he admitted it to Eddie in 3x9 during his second apology about the lawsuit. He said, "I'm sorry I wasn't there Eddie. You and Chris needed me and I had my head so far up my own behind with that stupid lawsuit." He was able to fix it back then and there wasn't any other people like Tommy hanging around to get at Eddie.

Additionally, two more examples of the way he makes things about himself happened in season 5 when he was dating Taylor and they remained entombed inside of his loft.  They never went anywhere except for the separate trips they took to Oklahoma when she went to visit her dad in prison. It happened again with Natalia at the end of season 6.  Since he wasn’t visiting Eddie and Chris, it appears he was entombed in there again with her so there’s that.

Be CLEAR, Buck is 32 years old (not 30 like the show lied and said he was in 6x11 because he was 28 in season 3 (3x1 Maddie said it to Bobby and Athena) and he was 29 in season 4 (4x5 proves it when he said it himself to Maddie) and since MATH IS A UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE, it’s the same no matter where someone lives.  The fact is 2 + 29 = 31, therefore he was 31 in season 6 and he should be 32 in season 7). Buck should be able to express himself with words instead of acting like someone in middle school.  That’s possibly the reason why Maddie told him about the kerfuffle she had when she was 14 years old and told him not to act like someone that age.

The point of this post is Buck was/is afraid Eddie’s leaving him again but this time it’s different.  Buck had all but abandoned Eddie and Chris while he was dwelling inside of his loft with the dEaTh DoUlA and when he finally emerged after breaking up with her, he thought Eddie and Chris would be there waiting for him but this time they weren’t.  Eddie found a new friend and Buck felt left out so in his conscious and subconscious mind, he figured if he hurt Eddie, he would be the one there to take care of him like he’s done every time in the past.

But… Tommy stepped up and said, “I can take him because I brought him and there’s an urgent care near his house”.  If you look at the expression on Buck’s face, you can see he felt like it was over.  He’d finally done the one thing he thought he’d never do (even though he broke Eddie’s heart in 6x15 with his BS line about “She sees me”) but anyway, he didn’t have a leg to stand on anymore since Tommy was there for Eddie and he helped him by taking him to urgent care. 

I HATE THIS SCENE AND I WISH THEY HAD FOUND A BETTER WAY TO HANDLE IT.  I don’t like it when either of them gets hurt.

Finally, Buck needs therapy to deal with his inability to handle his emotions.  I know a lot of people want him to just move on from his traumas but the fact is he hasn’t and that's why he needs to get help to be able to learn how to process his thoughts instead of him just providing lackluster responses like, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”.

His behavior was inexcusable so HOPEFULLY, he’ll have to APOLOGIZE in CANON to Eddie who’s never intentionally injured him.

Will he apologize to Eddie for acting like a middle schooler in 7x5? Only the showrunner, writers, producers, actors and actresses know the answer to that question.

[mayanakahara]

I have a request!

Can I please get a confession from Denji with a side of fluff ? 👉👈

"honey ,I belong with you,and only you,baby ♡"

note:I loved writing this request😭, sorry for the delay, I had a huge creative block, so I hope you like it!

Content: Denji x fem reader,fluff,A little anguish,Reader being emotional , first kiss.

You are always so observant. You're a little popular because you're a second year, nothing was that impressive in that school, nothing and no one... but him...

He's always humiliating himself out there, you always see some people making fun of him and giving him a shitload of money, you never understood why he accepted this kind of thing.

Was this normal for him?...You always see him in this situation but you never did anything to stop it...getting closer was the right thing to do, right? You know that.

It's around 9:00 am and the teachers decided to do a dynamic with the first year and second year students, the dynamic is simple,You just needed to pair up with someone from the first year and spend the day with that person, talking and participating in activities.

This was your chance, you took advantage of being alone and chose Denji as your partner.

"hey...want to be my partner? It's just for today, it might be fun."

You say that in a hopeful way, Denji blushed a little.

"huh...right, we can be partners..."

He says stuttering and a little anxious, it's not every day that a girl is kind to him, especially a veteran.

You and him walk away, you don't talk much so most of the way to the canteen you were silent.

"so... do you like strawberry cake? They sell some really delicious ones here and on my own, I'll pay"

Pay for it? He was stunned looking at you

"...pay for me? I can't pay you later so I'd rather not eat"

"pay me later? Forget it Denji-kun, I have no problem paying you, I'm the oldest one here."

You just left him sitting there waiting while you went to buy two strawberry cakes, he mentally thanks you since he's hungry.

You bring the cake and you eat it, you watch him while he eats it, a bit desperate lol.

"do you want mine too? I see you're a little...hungry"

"Eat this...y/n senpai"

"I don't want to, I'm on a diet, you can eat everything, Denji-kun"

You smile, a light blush appears on his chubby cheeks, you think it's so cute how he eats, how his eyes shine when he sees the cake batter with whipped cream topping.

He finally finishes and you start walking again, now it seems less uncomfortable, you seem more relaxed.

"so Denji, do you have plans for the end of high school?"

He is paralyzed. He never thought about anything other than trying to get money, he doesn't care that much about school but he wasn't going to tell her that.

"maybe yes, I think I have time to think...do you have plans, y/n?"

"oh yes, yes, I work in a cafe nearby, you can stop by there sometime if you want to talk"

Something about you makes him calm, he is so used to bad treatment that it has become normal.It's strange to know that a person treats him well without using him, without making fun of him.

He wants to know more about you.

The school tour ends as soon as you arrive at the school library.

"Denji, whenever you want to find me, I'll be in the library after the first classes, just in case you want to talk"

She says with a shy smile, Denji looks at her and analyzes everything, she really is something from another world.

"Of course...I'll definitely come."

------------------------------------

Months passed and you became really close. You no longer saw students making fun of him, when he needed something you made a point of helping.

Classes are over, you are in the library alone arranging the books that the students returned, until you hear a somewhat familiar voice.

"y/n senpai?! Are you here?"

"yes Denji, right here!"

You extend your arm over the shelves, then he finally comes to you.

"Did something happen? You seem anxious."

He looks at you blushing,You get down from the small ladder that you use to store the library books, after all, you take care of this place.

"I just need to tell you something...are you free?"

"Ah yes!...can you tell, did something serious happen?"

"yes, someone stole something from me."

"They robbed you? And who did it? Tell me I'm going to kill this son of a bi-"

He interrupts her.

"It was you, you stole my heart, senpai. You were always so kind from the beginning, how do you think I would feel? I'm not worthy of you, I don't deserve anything from you and you still treat me well,Am I not disgusting to you? I was once told that I smell like a dog...do you think so? Tell me y/n, why are you still around a guy like me?"

You looked at the ground, you felt your vision getting blurry, salty tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

"y/n I like you, please please don't you give me up, please don't give up."

You look directly at him, still not knowing what to say.

"Y/n let me do something for you.”

He gets closer, but not too close, he wants you to move forward, after all he is traumatized as hell.

"Denji, I like you too"

That was enough to make him lose any posture, you approach and kiss him without hesitation.The kiss is a little ruffled and desperate, but it's sweet and full of feelings, the way he holds you against him makes you weak.

You pull away panting, you smile, completely happy to kiss the boy you've always had a crush on.

"You're my boyfriend now, and that's an order, Denji-kun!"

"I will follow you until the end of time, just you my girl"

You blush like idiots, he simply steals your first kiss just like you stole this poor boy's heart.

And there is no better place than next to him. He is your puppy now ♡.

Omg thanks for reading !

[crowandmousewritingco]

The Aurelac Gallery Pt1

Pairing: Ezra x gn!reader

Words: 1.2k

Rating: G (will turn M in later chapters)

Summary: After suffering from artist's block, you travel to Secret Springs for inspiration. And maybe something more.

Author: Mod Mouse

Notes: I wrote this for the Secret Springs project led by @secretelephanttattoo . If you are curious about any other of the fabulously creative people also participating, see their blog for masterlists. Also this is my first time writing for Ezra. I hope I portrayed him well. Thank you to @morallyinept for the wonderful writing aides. Truly doing Kevva's work out here.

Part 2

To say you were in an artist stump was an understatement. It had been months since you sold a piece and your art dealer wasn’t very thrilled at your performance. You tried to explain that nothing inspired you anymore, and in an exasperated voice your art dealer said, “Well go on vacation or something. Find inspiration somewhere else.” 

And that’s just what you did. Here you were spending time in a beautiful resort town bustling with visitors and locals alike. It was an idyllic scenery with the ocean on one side and beautiful skiing on the other. Everything was at your fingertips to inspire the next stage of your art career. Which was almost too overwhelming for you. You could paint everything, but where should you start? 

You sighed as you leaned against the wall of a local coffee shop called Catfish Coffee. You had confessed to the barista there that nothing was giving you inspiration. He kindly suggested a gallery down the road called Aurelac that could help you jump start your creativity. 

So there you were finishing your coffee thinking about art. You took your final sips, tossing the paper cup in the closest trash can. You looked around to get your bearings and followed the street just like the barista said. The road curved around the stunning architecture. Everything felt different but yet it flowed so easily into the next building. Eventually you entered a more modern section of town. A simple neon sign hung outside reading Aurelac. 

Well that was easy. You thought to yourself before approaching the glass doors. The cool air chilled your skin as you entered the gallery. It was bigger than you were expecting, each wall filled with tons of different mediums. Your eye was drawn to the brightly colored oil paintings on the far right wall. Approaching the fall wall, your eyes took in each piece with awe and analyzed each stroke. 

While you went in to lean closer to a particularly fascinating painting, when a smooth Southern voice. “Such an alluring abstraction.” You jumped back not hearing him approach despite the hardwood floods

He chuckled. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to frighten such an intriguing patron.” 

“No harm done. I just wanted to see what techniques this artist used. Reminds me of Dorthea Tanning’s work.” You said taking in the stranger’s appearance. The man was taller than you expected, and quite well dressed too. It seems he had money from the immaculate three piece dark plum suit he was wearing. Included in his ensemble were a pair of cufflinks with a lavender gem of sorts in a silver clasp. 

The strangers’ eyebrows raised in amusement. “Not everyone knows that Surrealist’s name. How might you have come upon such an artist?” He asked curiously. 

“Oh I actually minored in art history in college. She was always one of my favorites to talk about.” You answered blushing a bit. 

“And she is criminally underrated in the world of the Surrealists.” He agreed standing closer to you to take a look at the piece that sparked such conversation. 

“I always love Surrealism. There is something about the way they represented such human ideas was amazing.” You smiled as the passion for art returned to your mind. 

“The subconscious aspect was a compelling part of that particular movement.” The man added though now this stranger had drawn his attention to you more than the art. 

“I agree. As much as I hate to admit it, if it wasn’t for Freud then we would have this moment.” 

“Exactly.” He grinned. “Oh goodness, where are my manners? I have failed to introduce myself to such an intellectual.” He held out his hand to you. “Ezra.” 

You held out your hand and introduced yourself by taking his hand in yours. The first thing you noticed about Ezra’s hand was the roughness of them. From his outwardly appearance you were expecting his hands to be soft. The next thing you noticed was the tightness of his grip. It was firm, but didn’t hurt like some other handshakes you’ve received. This man was truly fascinating. 

“I believe you aren’t a local around here?” Ezra asked.

You chuckled and shook your head. “No, far from it. I’m actually here on vacation. Well vacation in the loosest sense.” 

“Oh and pray tell what does that mean?” He questioned tipping his head to the side. 

“Just that I’m an artist, I guess not much nowadays. I haven’t created anything in months, and my agent jokingly told me to go on vacation. So here I am.” You chuckled, it sounding a little sad. You really hadn’t meant to stop creating, but unfortunately that’s how it goes sometimes.

“Well I can tell you that my little corner of paradise has lots to offer, not to mention idyllic scenery for all types.” 

“True but I’ve never been one for landscapes,” You admit. 

“Considering your admiration for the Surrealists, that doesn’t surprise me.” Ezra smirked, taking in the painting once again. 

You hummed in response letting the conversation fall into a comfortable silence. Though Ezra started fidgeting at the need for dialog. And it seemed you were having the same issue because the two of you together said. 

“Can I paint you?” “I could be your model!” 

Both of you paused for a moment, your mind catching up to what just happened. 

“What did you say?” You asked looking back at Ezra. 

He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Well I said that I am more than willing to stand in for your artwork. With a brain as astute as yours I would be more than honored to be your muse” You weren’t quite sure but there might have been a brush of pink against his cheeks. 

You couldn’t help but giggle. You covered your mouth with your hand as your giggle turned into a full on laugh. 

Ezra looked at you confused. “I apologize. Did I say something amusing?” 

It took you a moment to recover from your laughing fit, but after a few deep breaths you giggled. “Quite the opposite because I asked you if I could paint you.”

He sighed in relief and chuckled along with you. “Then that seemed to settle the matter.’ 

“That was easier than I was expecting,” You chuckled.

“How about you come over to my abode and I can cook us a wonderful meal to get those endorphins moving,” Ezra suggested. 

You quirked your eyebrow up. “That makes it sound like a date, Ezra.” 

“See it as a way for me to give back to such an amazing creature.” He smirked and you blushed in return. 

“How can I refuse such an offer?” You smiled up at him. 

“Perfect I’ll arrange everything and I’ll have my driver pick you up around say 7:30” He states. 

You blush again “Oh that’ll be perfect. I’m staying at the nice B&B just down the road.” 

“Then that’s where you shall be whisked away from there then.” 

You exchanged numbers. You really weren’t sure what you’ve gotten yourself into but you knew something exciting would come out of this. 

[barananduen]

Art Advice: Advancing in Art: The 3 Ps

For people who are new to art, new to a different medium, or just need some motivation.

Keeping what I call "The Three Ps" in mind will help you power through and not quit before you've reached your goal.

I - PRACTICE

It sounds cliché, but practicing is necessary; not just for art, but for everything. Much like athletes spend years in the youth levels, learning the skills, before they can become professionals... and then even when they're pros, they go to training every day, to hone their skills. Just like they do, so, too, must an artist practice.

Practice can be anything. It doesn't mean you must shade so many spheres before you can-- no! You can shake it up! You practice and hone your skills with every drawing you make. You can practice drawing your OCs, your pet, your favorite piece of decoration in your house. Practice with something that makes you excited to draw!

Train yourself to draw different things. When you do a new drawing, try different head angles, lighting, perspective. Try landscapes, still lives, different types of animals. It won't come out perfect the first few times, but keep trying. Each different thing you learn will add new skills to your set, and the more of these you collect, the easier it will become to make that drawing just as it is in your head!

Every artist screws up sometimes; even professionals! Do not be discouraged; every mistake takes you one step closer to where you want to be.

Don't worry about making everything perfect. Just draw! Then look at the imperfections and address them, but don't let them hold you back! Here's an article that will help you keep a positive outlook when things don't come out the way you want: [Art Advice: How to Have a Positive Outlook] It also explains a method that you can use to analyze your not-perfect drawings to identify what you need to fix and how (See #2 in that article).

II - PATIENCE

I often see beginner artists feeling upset because they're not getting "good" at art quickly. Art learning is a long-term process; it takes several years for people to get "good" at art. In fact, you never stop learning and changing and improving. The trick is to stick with it and not give up!

"Rome was not built in a day." - proverb; unknown source

Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time. In the meantime, enjoy the ride!

III - PERSEVERANCE

Imagine a miner who's digging for a precious metal, has been digging for years, becomes disappointed, and gives up and closes the mine. But they were two days away from hitting the vein! They just didn't know it and quit before they could reap the results! Don't be the miner who gives up before hitting the vein!

Keep on arting! Keep on practicing! Keep on challenging yourself and keep it fun! You WILL get to where you want to be!

Keep your goal in mind and don't give up before you reach it!

All the best wishes, ~B~

MORE ART ADVICE ARTICLES

You can find the index to all Art Advice Articles [here] including:

How to Deal with Art Block

How to Have a Positive Outlook

How to Develop Your Own Style

etc.

[theunaestheticstudyblr]

How I limit my productivity and why you probably should too

Yes. I limit my productivity. I monitor my time being spent on being "productive" and doing things that are focused on growth instead of existence. Now I don't mean to say that I just ignore myself and don't try to be a better person. I'm talking in context of stereotypical social media productivity; things like studying for hours, working extra shifts, maximizing time spent on growth podcasts and self help books instead of indulgences like music and fantasy novels. I don't mean analyzing your bad behaviors and working on breaking bad habits. I'm talking more on the lines of marketable growth.

I have noticed a major increase over a couple years in people trying to be as productive as possible. They prioritize productivity and growth (again talking more of the marketable, social media style, not personal) and minimizing time spent living and merely existing. We are sprinting a marathon it seems. And I do not like sprinting. Or even running. It's my most dreaded part of my gym time. I acknowledge that it is necessary, and so is spending time being productive and working on your marketable growth. But it shouldn't be the main part of every day, just like sprinting for 10 minutes on a treadmill shouldn't be the main part of every workout you do.

I love informative podcasts just as much as the next person and TED Daily is a favorite for sure, as well as various fish and nature podcasts are too! But I limit these to my hour+ commute to campus every other day. When I'm walking around, I listen to music or maybe a "brain numbing" podcast (ones that don't make you think and comprehend and analyze things like story ones [magnus archives eg] or paranormal or mythology or crime style podcasts). I listen to pleasure things, not to thinking things. This gives my brain noise that's just noise. It let's my brain slip out of analytical scientist mode for a while and maybe dance while I walk around!

My gym time is scheduled. I spend the scheduled time in the gym and I enjoy it so much! But when it's not gym time, it's not gym time. I do my morning stretches and yoga and I do my hour in the gym every other day. This is time purely for the gym and nothing else. It's a great release but can also become taxing very quickly, so I only think about it when it's time to.

Study time is the same. It's scheduled and I study when it's study time. I don't walk around and look at flashcards anymore. This is not helpful at all and you could easily hurt yourself or others. You won't retain the information really and you're just adding extra stress into your already stressful life.

I have a schedule for my week and I block out my productive times. My gym time. My study time. My intellectual reading time. My information podcasts. All those things. But I schedule them AFTER I have blocked out classes, work, my slow mornings, chores, and pleasure items like a hair mask night or a night out or something. Of course I make time for improving myself and like I said they are also scheduled, but not with more importance than my actual life. And I also make sure that I know to be flexible with myself. Sometimes I have to add in extra study time and reduce time spent elsewhere if I have a test or something. Sometimes I get sick or I lose track of time while playing video games. Sometimes I sit in the bath way longer than I should. And that's ok. Sometimes we need to have the discipline to put pleasure aside EVERY NOW AND THEN and Sometimes we need the grace to put productivity on the back burner EVERY NOW AND THEN.

Don't ignore your responsibilities, but don't ignore your life either. So please, make just as much time for your pleasure as you do for your productivity. They're both important, but don't let school and life weigh you down so much that rain is annoying and angering and that you miss your niece's 3rd birthday. Dance in the rain. Jump in the puddles. Spin and laugh as you get soaked. And eat the easy bake cakes your little cousin bakes. And read your friend's kid a story. And draw little doodles in your notes. And smile. And try to make someone else smile. And drink your too sweet, too hot coffee. And listen to that song that you'd be embarrassed if anyone knew you liked it. Please don't forget to live.

[wispforever]

naruto 6 and 13 pls!

Hi, cowboy :) thanks for the ask

6. Which ship fans are the most annoying?

I block anyone I find annoying, so the fact that I'm actually able to think of several groups of people kind of blows my mind lol. First would be the fans who take shipping way too seriously. They hate on other people for deviating from their version of canon, start insane discourse, sometimes even harass creators of the show, etc. Idk if I even have to explain why that pisses me off. It's just in really bad taste. Quit bothering people. Fandom is for enjoyment, don't spend your fandom time telling people how much you hate them or why they're wrong. Chill tf out

Then are the fans who don't participate in shipping (this is the okay part) and THEN talk about how stupid shipping is and how inherently annoying it is. People are entitled to their opinions obviously. I understand (especially as an aroace person) how shipping can be reductive and how people get obsessed. But at some point you have to take responsibility for curating your own experience. Don't like shipping? That's great. Block everyone who posts ship and only follow people who don't. Problem solved. Don't whine about how annoying shipping is IN THE SHIPPING TAG. Just fucking braindead, I can't

In the naruto fandom specifically, I think the shipping that pisses me off the most are the above types of bloggers, as well as people who ship things I find personally repulsive. Like *nc*st or p*do shit. Lots of that in the naruto fandom unfortunately.

13. Worst blorboficiation?

The most impossible naruto question challenge LMAO where do I even fucking start. This fandom beats the absolute shit out of good characters at the drop of a hat. Some of it is fine, I get it, I'm guilty of it, but other times it's hugely reductive. If character assassination were a crime punishable by death, I fear we tumblrinas would be having this conversation while we waited in line for the electric chair.

There are lots of characters I see blorbofied beyond recognition: Madara, Hashirama, Kakashi, Gai, Lee, Tsunade, Obito, literally anyone in the Akatsuki- I could go on and on. I think though, the one who sticks out to me is definitely Itachi. I see SOOOO many depictions of wet, crying, pitiful Itachi when he gives absolutely no hint of any of that on screen. Am I saying he doesn't cry? Doesn't feel? Absolutely not. But there's a thousand different ways to make a character emotional. I barely ever see in character portrayals of Itachi, in my opinion, especially when delving into who he is behind closed doors, what he thinks about his clan/upbringing, how he feels about Sasuke and the massacre he committed. I could mop the floor with him he is so sopping wet in all of this fanart. It drives me up the fucking wall. I've written a lot of detailed notes analyzing his character, and I myself appreciate how he was a victim (along with many other things), but most of the time I feel people stop at just the victim part. Idk why they want him to cry so bad. Idk what makes them think HE would think he deserves to grieve or be forgiven. Idk why they oversimplify his motives or make him out like he doesn't understand what he did and why. makes me actually insane. ffs there are beautiful flawed characters here with winding, painful, morally grey journeys. appreciate the nuance jesussss if i see one more big doe-eyed teared up itachi sniveling to kisame i'm going to be on the news

[universecorp]

Temptation: Chapter 2

Chapter warnings: None

W.C.: 3.8k

Mood Playlist: Temptation

Day 7

The past three days have been the longest of your life. You truly understood why these fairies were given the domain of lust. Not only had you walked in on several more very compromising scenes and positions, but you had been invited to join each one. It was like fucking was their profession, and you knew it wasn’t because Soobin and Yeonjun were doing their jobs right now. 

Yeonjun worked as a choreographer for a music label. His schedule was often very open because they only enlisted him for new music releases or award shows, which is why he had so much time on his hands. He had shown you some of the artists he choreographed for, and you were in awe at how amazing his dances were. 

Soobin on the other hand worked as an old language interpreter. Fairies much like humans had old and lost civilizations, Soobin’s job was to analyze their old texts and try to decipher them. It was a job he described as challenging, but he enjoyed it. He also got to set his own schedule, which still left him enough time to be with his lovers.

Over the last few days Soobin had been working a bit, so you had been spending time with him in his study, reading and listening to the fairy explain what he was working on. You enjoyed watching him work, and even took a look at some of the languages, which also had a very similar look to some of the old human lost languages.

The younger ones of the group had been traveling back and forth between the domain and the hub for school. You wanted to go with them to see how different fairy college was compared to what you were used to, but unfortunately the school had a strict policy against anyone attending classes that they weren’t enrolled in. It wasn’t too bad though, you had been spending time with the older men, or on your own, exploring the domain and its endless landscape. Lucky for you The fairies had human proofed the domain with different paths to make sure you made it back to the tree no matter what path you took. You were grateful to them for making your stay easy and also for showing you the beauties of their world.

Right now you were laying outside under a large tree by one of the many streams that inhabited the domain. Your eyes were closed as you focused on the sound of the small waterfall nearby. You could hear birds chirping softly as soft rays of sun that slipped through the cracks of the tree's shade warmed your face. You stretched a little, wiggling your toes against the soft blades of grass before turning on your side. You figured a nap couldn’t hurt, especially since you had nothing better to do. 

You were beginning to drift off when suddenly a ray of sun was shining into your eyelid. You huffed a little before turning your body, hoping a different angle would help. For a few moments it was serene again… until it wasn’t and another beam of sun was assaulting your eyelids. You turned onto your back and threw your arm over your eyes, hoping to block out the rays, but it was of no use. The sun felt even hotter and brighter, causing you to sit up. You opened your eyes only to see a Hueningkai, who quickly screamed and flew out of sight. 

“Get back here!”

You heard giggling coming from above you, not just Hueningkai’s. 

“You guys are so in for it!” Standing from the blanket you huffed and began climbing the tree. You were making progress when suddenly the branch under you began growing farther away from the tree causing you to yelp as you wrapped yourself around it. Boisterous laughing could be heard as you struggled to try and get back to the tree. Looking up you huffed when you saw Hueningkai, Beomgyu, and Taehyun all hovering above you. “If this is how you guys seduce people, I can see why no one has bothered to stick around.” Grumbling you inched your way off the tree branch, trying to find a safe place for your foot to land.

 “It’s not, we can show you how we do if you’d like though.” Beomgyu replied cheekily, flying to your side, helping you down to the ground safely. 

“I’m good.” You deadpanned, dusting off your white skirt, frowning at the dark residue the tree left.

 “Oh, poor petal got her skirt dirty,” Taehyun fretted, fluttering down to join you and Beomgyu on the ground, Heuningkai following close behind. “We should go back to the tree, maybe we can convince Soobin and Yeonjun to come to one of the lakes and we can all go swimming?” You perked up at that, you had been wanting to swim in one of the pretty lakes that you had come across. One in particular that caught your attention, it had a large cave that had a waterfall in it. There were also a few rocks that were perfect for sitting on and just watching, all in all it looked just as fun to lounge in as it did to swim.

 “Can we go to the one with the cave that has the waterfall in it?” The three fairies nodded, smiling at your enthusiasm. 

“I never asked, what do you all major in at university?”  You were about three quarters of the way back to the tree. The four of you had been making small talk and giggling over some embarrassing stories that you all decided to share. Even though you had no interest in the fairies romantically or carnally, you still enjoyed their presence and the conversations that you had.

“Music, with a minor in education,” Heuningkai replied.

“Math.” Taehyun answered shortly.

“Same as Hyuka, but I’m minoring in music technology.” 

You made a sound of awe, it was interesting how all of  the fairies had such different interests and careers, but still had the common ground of their love for one another. Even though it had only been a few days, you gained an understanding of the bond they shared. Sometimes it made you laugh how different they were, but the feeling you got watching them all be so in love with each other was so indescribable. You could only hope one day you would have someone that you felt that way with.

“Hyungs, we’re back!” Hueningkai called out as the three of you entered the tree. You followed the fairies to their shared room where you found the two oldest of the five. Yeonjun has his head in Soobin’s lap, who was playing with his dark locks with one hand as he held his phone in the other.

 “Hi, how was school?” Hueningkai flittered over to the taller man, kissing him on his cheek before sitting down next to him. 

“It was good, but I got a C on my stats quiz.” Soobin tsked, closing his phone. 

“I thought you had Hyunnie help you study. You said you were confident, what happened?” The youngest blushed slightly, while Taehyun smiled coyly looking away from his blonde boyfriend. 

“We did… but then we got a little distracted.” You stifled a laugh at the scene before you. They definitely belonged in this domain you thought to yourself. 

The second oldest had a slightly unreadable expression on his, but ultimately relinquished, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. 

“It’s fine,” Soobin huffed, “you just have to try harder next time, and i’ll be sitting in on your next tutoring session, understood?” 

“Yes hyung.” The two youngest spoke in tandem.

“Ok now that the boring stuff is over, our little human wanted to visit starlight lake for a swim!” Beomgyu interjected, pushing you forward a bit. You hated to admit it but the way Beomgyu referred  to you caused a small pit of warmth in your stomach.

 “Is that so?” Yeonjun arose from his position. You nodded in response.

 “Can we go please?,” Hueningkai begged, displaying his best pout. “Binnie hyung, you have to show her more of your magic! He can make waves and Hyunie and Yeonjunnie hyung make us big leaves to surf on!” Your eyes enlarged in awe and excitement at the new piece of information.

 “Calm down raindrop, we can go, how about we spend the night there? There’s a reason we call it starlight lake, I think we should show Y/N why.” The youngest fluttered his wings in excitement, a large smile on display as his boyfriend spoke. 

“Tae baby, why don’t you and Junnie go prepare a picnic for dinner while Gyu, Hyuka and I go get the rest of the supplies.” Both garden fairies nodded before leaving the room together, heading towards the kitchen. 

“Is there anything I can help with?” 

Soobin made a face as if he was pondering, “You can help us if you like, go get changed and then meet us near the washroom.” You acknowledged him with a small nod and made your way to your room. 

You remembered that the fairies had bought you a few bathing suits. All of them were bikinis, but you didn’t have a problem with that, thankfully they also provided you with slips that you could use to cover yourself. Even though no one else was in the domain, it still made you grateful that the fairies were looking out for you. 

After browsing through your options you ultimately decided on a blue bikini with a slip covered in small blue and pink fabric flowers.  Once you were satisfied with the way you looked, you quickly packed an overnight bag before making your way to the washroom.

“Gyu, do you think you could get the animals to help us carry some of this?” Soobin inquired, handing a large blanket to the orange winged boy. 

“Yeah, I'll see if Taehyun can create a wagon that a few of the deers can pull, hold on.” The blonde nodded, before directing his attention to you.

 “Y/N, you look so cute! I picked that one out, I knew you would look good in it. Hyung, doesn’t she look good?” Soobin smiled endearingly down at his youngest lover before nodding. You  blushed at that, thanking the two for the compliment.

“Good timing, I need you to go help Gyu load some of this stuff.” You hummed before grabbing some pillows that the water fairy pushed towards you.

 “Hyuka and I will be right there.” Making a sound of affirmation, you made your way towards the entrance of the tree. Beomgyu seemed successful in getting that cart as well as some deer because he was now attaching some reigns made of what appeared to be some type of tree branch. 

The fairy whistled in your direction, taking note of your appearance, causing you to blush again. “Where should I put these?” You asked, clearing your throat.

 “In the cart is fine, Junnie and Tae are almost done, so they should be out soon.” You hummed before complying, standing awkwardly as you waited for the other four men to join. 

“Wanna pet them?” 

“Huh?” 

“The deer, do you wanna pet them?” Beomgyu inquired.

“Oh… sure.” You replied, walking over to the orange winged man. 

He grabbed your hand gently before lifting it towards the doe’s snout. The doe sniffed cautiously before nuzzling into your hand, causing you to break out into a wide smile. “She likes you, she says she wants you to meet her fawn.” 

“Really?” 

Beomgyu nodded.

Bending down to the doe’s level you nuzzled into her, a silent way of showing your shared adoration for her. Beomgyu wishes he was the doe that you were staring at right now. You looked at her with so much awe and love, just as you did with most of the animals and other aspects of their home. It made him jealous because you had yet to look at him or any of the others in that way. Despite that , Beomgyu couldn’t help but smile at the interaction. Even though you had only been in the domain for a week, he couldn’t imagine saying goodbye to you and neither could the others. They had a talk yesterday in the quiet of their room, illuminated only by a small orb of light, about where they stood with you and it was safe to say all of them wanted you to stay. They had had other humans stumble into their domain before, but none of them had intrigued them like you had. Your energy and love of all things that their domain had to offer only managed to endear them more with each passing day. 

“Ready to leave?” Yeonjun chimed, walking out of the entrance of their large tree with a large picnic basket on hand. You stood from the ground humming a quick

 “Uh huh” before grabbing the small overnight bag you had brought out with you. Slinging the small tote over your shoulder you began walking behind Beomgyu and the deers, keeping pace with Taehyun and Yeonjun.

Eventually you all arrived at the lake, you had walked past it at least twice since you arrived, but it never failed to take your breath away. There was a waterfall that flowed beautifully over the cave, and you could tell the inside had a nice secluded pool as well as enough room to sit comfortably on the ledge. 

“You three can go swim while we set up camp and dinner, we’ll call you when it’s ready.” Yeonjun said, referring to you as well as Hueningkai and Taehyun. The three of you nodded, dropping your coverups onto the bank. You watched Hueningkai walk into the water with Taehyun close behind, you were hesitant to get in, but after the two looked back at you, you followed suit. The water was surprisingly warmer than you anticipated. You slowly submerged the majority of your body into the lake, sighing softly at how comfortable you felt. 

You hadn’t realized you closed your eyes until you heard a very eager “Y/N, watch this!” come from near the waterfall. You opened your eyes, focusing them on Hueningkai who was standing on top of the large cave. Only a moment later Hueningkai was diving from the rock, landing gracefully in the water with a small splash. You saw the way he used his wings to control his speed so that the splash wasn’t as large, but it was still impressive. 

Hueningkai soon resurfaced smiling widely at you, it was cute the way he paddled over to you. “Did you see,” he grabbed your hands underwater, “wasn’t I cool?” 

“You were.” You affirmed with a shy smile.

The fairy beamed brightly, gripping your left hand a bit tighter so he could guide you deeper into the lake. 

“How deep does it go?” you asked.

“Huh, oh the lake? Uhm…about 15 feet, the deepest part is inside the cave.” Hueningkai replied, hand still held tightly in yours. 

“You wanna make some rainbows?” He was too precious for his own good, is all you could think as he stated expectantly at you.

 “I don’t really think I can make them, since I don't have powers, but I would love to watch you make them!” The boy broke into a small pout.

 “You can, though, splash some water in the air.” You were hesitant but the look he gave you managed to melt your heart even more and do as he wished. Breaking your hand away from him you cupped some water underneath the surface before shooting your hands up to create a large splash of droplets in the air. Hueningkai quickly directed sunlight over the droplets creating a beautiful dazzling rainbow over the two of you. You stared up in awe, smiling widely, before splashing more water up into the air.

The two of you continued this, laughing wildly as you made a game out of it by splashing water in different directions at once to see if he could create the colorful refractions in time. The whole time you and Hueningkai were playing you noticed Taehyun observing the two of you from a nearby rock. His wings were glistening in the sun as his damp hair stuck to his forehead. You noticed a small smile playing on his lips as he watched the two of you. You also noticed his naked torso, had he always been that toned? You had seen the fairies shirtless countless times before, but only now we’re you starting to realize how toned they were. 

“Tae, come play with us!” The light fairy wore a small pout, much like the one he used to win you over.

 “This rock is warm though, the water is too cold for me.” Taehyun replied, stretching out a bit on the large rock. He almost looked like he was glittering, the way the sun hit his skin, the sight made your stomach twist with a weird feeling. 

“I’ll beam more light so the lake gets warmer, please? Hueningkai elongated the plea, jutting out his lower lip a bit for more of an effect. Taehyun tried to avoid eye contact with the younger, so as to not be coerced into getting in, but Hueningkai’s charms were just too much for him. 

“Fine, but only if you warm up the water.” Hueningkai nodded, wings fluttering quickly causing small ripples to form in the water. You watchmen in awe once again as Hueiningkai made the beams of sun grow brighter, making the air around you grow warmer, but not in a way that was unbearable. 

Taehyun slowly entered the water, like a flower opening its petals during the spring. You couldn’t help but be entranced by the way he slowly eased in, face morphed into one of satisfaction. “Is it warm enough?” Taehyun hummed in affirmation, eyes closed as he basked in the warmth of the lake.

 “Could you make it like a hot tub, even at night?” You asked, making room for Taehyun to join your semi-circle.

 “Unfortunately no, even though moonlight is technically sunlight, since it’s not hot I can’t do much with it and the light I can create isn’t hot either. I can do it during the day with sunlight, but not at night.” You hummed in understanding, treading your hand through the water lightly. 

“Food is ready!” You looked over your shoulder at Yeonjun who was standing outside of the cave, waving the three of you over. 

“Race ya!” Hueningkai quickly dove under the water to get a head start. You and Taehyun quickly followed, trying to catch up to the younger boy. You of course lost badly since the fairies had their wings to project them farther and faster than your mere arms and legs could. You were breathing heavily by the time you made it into the cave. Taehyun, Beomgyu and Hueningkai were all snickering at your state while Soobin and Yeonjun only tsked at the three.

 “Poor petal, you knew that wasn’t a fair race.” Yeonjun said, walking over to give you a hand, helping you out of the water

. “It’s ok, it was fun, you guys are really fast.” All of the fairies giggled at your disheveled state as Yeonjun helped you walk over to the picnic blanket. Soobin placed a towel around your shoulders, causing you to let out a small thank you in response. 

You looked at the assortment of sandwiches in front of you, most of them were savory, but you spotted a few sweet ones made with cream and fruit. Beomgyu began pouring tea from a thermos into the small cup in front of you, Taehyun offered you milk and sugar which you graciously took. You blew on your tea before taking a sip, but could feel everyone's eyes boring into you, which was confirmed as you shifted your gaze from the cup to the men around you. “Is something wrong?” All of them shook their heads, but you couldn’t help the skeptical expression that graced your features. You pulled your towel tighter around yourself before reaching forward for one of the sandwiches and taking a small bite. The rest of them followed in what felt like a silent game of simon says. “Why are you guys being weird all of the sudden?”

“We're not!” A chorus of whines broke out making you burst into laughter. You missed the way the fairies' faces softened at the sound of your infectious giggles. 

“She’s so cute, I can’t take it.” Soobin whispered, to which the rest hummed. You tried to pretend not to hear the compliment, thankful that the cave was dim enough to hide your blush.

After all of you had eaten and your food settled, the six of you went back out into the lake. True to his word Soobin showed you more of what he could do, and you were thrilled. You never thought you would have a chance to boogie board on a giant leaf, but you were given that chance today. Your loud squeals rivaled Hueningkai’s own as Soobin created a giant wave that soaked both of you. You squealed even louder as Yeonjun used a vine to drag you through the water, giggling almost maniacally as you crashed into his chest. “Oh my god, do that again!” Yeonjun only chuckled before obliging you and dragging you through the water. This time you were halted near the cave, before you could recover you were swept up by a wave which caught you off guard, but made you yell in delight at the rushing feeling. 

After a few hours of playing in the water all of you returned to the cave to dry off. Hueningkai started a fire with some wood and heat from the last remaining sunlight of the day which helped your shaking frame. The sun was beginning to set and you now understood why they called it Starlight Lake. The water was glittering even in the darkness of the cave and the small specks of light looked like stars swirling around in a galaxy. “They’re bioluminescent organisms, they’re safe to swim with, but I can tell you’re all watered out today.” Beomgyu explained handing you some tea that Taehyun had just brewed. You nodded, giving him a quick thanks before blowing over the rim and taking a sip. 

After finishing your tea the fairies gave you space to change into your pajamas and set up a small area for you near the fire to keep you warm. They had a feeling you wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping next to them, much to their dismay, so they made sure to have an alternative for you. After settling in next to the warm fire you watched as Hueningkai began making small shapes and stars with the light from the fire. It was so calming that you fell asleep only a few moments later.

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Taglist: @ditzydaisyy, @goldenchunkycat

[revenantghost]

[20 Question Fic Writer Game]

Tagged by @faindri and @pancake-breakfast!

How many works do you have on AO3?

18! Most are poetry collections, so a lot of smaller stories in one anthology.

What is your AO3 word count?

75,144

What fandoms do you write for?

Trigun is my main squeeze atm (and biggest in general, I have four projects for it which is double anything else--and the highest wordcount, too), but I've written for KinnPorsche, Sabikui Bisco, Danny Phantom, Vampire In The Garden, Sasaki to Miyano, Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, Goncharov (yeah... yeah), The Night Beyond the Tricornered Window, Signalis, Omori, Lycoris Recoil, and The Executioner and Her Way of Life

What are your top five fics by kudos?

No idea and I ain't looking! Trad publishing has me extremely scarred from some nasty comparison wars, so I have kudo and view counts blocked on ALL fics, including mine. From my kudos emails, though, Hallowboned has to be my top fic for sure. Last time I was paying attention most of my other fics didn't pass into triple digits by a long shot

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!!! I adore comments, and I love chatting with folks, it really keeps me motivated and chugging along. I am... very behind on replying to the comments on my last chapter rn because I feel so awful and guilty about having to quit writing

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uh... I don't write a ton of narrative fics, and I do love me some tragic poetry, but I guess the angstiest collection might be my Signalis one, Observable System Transcendence? But my Omori poem and the Trined Soul collection might be contenders, too

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mean, Trembling Hands is a Trimax fix-it fic, so? Though the Sasaki and Miyano collection, Effortless Dreams, is definitely the most tooth-rotting fluff I've ever slapped onto the page

Do you get hate on fics?

Oh yeah, I've had my poetry called pretentious and also not good enough to be poetry lol. It's been a hot minute since that's happened, people are just jerks sometimes

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I used to! Porn with plot, my beloved. It would be interesting to explore in poetry format, but we'll see if I have the time who wants to commission some poetry porn from me lmao

Do you write crossovers?

Nah, not my cuppa

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, many moons ago

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that is one of the coolest things fandom does. Loving a thing so much you spend the time to painstakingly transform that art into something you can read and share in another language, bro??? Translators are amazing

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I've worked pretty closely with artists a loooong time ago, but I've only written fics where I'm the sole writer. I have used other writers' ideas and outlines (with their permission, of course), but that's the closest

What's your all-time favourite ship?

I DON'T KNOW?!?! Shipping has never really been my main focus of media typically, but when one digs its teeth into me I go rabid in a completely feral but different way each time.

What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?

))): All of them

Life feels kinda... really dire atm, it's hard to see ever writing again. However! God I want to finish Hallowboned SO BADLY!!! I have so many chapters written for it that I haven't even posted!!!!! Y'all haven't met Livio yet!!!!!! GAH 3:

What are your writing strengths?

Uh... ??? I'll be real, I've got no idea. I feel like I write so weirdly atm, it's hard for me to analyze in that kinda way

What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to get really excited/into things and flit around and forget to explain or describe things sometimes. Thank god for having been well-trained to edit my own work. Not that I catch it all, but I try!!!

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it'd really cool, but I'd need a native speaker on hand to make sure I don't fuck it up in my own fic

First fandom you wrote for?

I think my first piece of written fanwork was a Danny Phantom Quizilla thing lmao, I'm old. I don't remember what it was about, just that it was ANGSTY

Favourite fic you've ever written?

Ah?!?! Honestly, each project is so different and written from such a different place, I've got no idea. I'm proudest of Observable System Transcendence being my longest, most consistent project (outside of my Smaugust collection, which isn't a fan project), Hallowboned being the first thing that really inspired me in ages--and the most indulgent one lol. But each collection and fic and poem comes from such a different place, and it's hard to pull them apart and pick???

Tagging:

Whoever wants to hop in! :3

[prsk-krow]



Hi! I love your work. As someone who has various circumstances as well, I love Kanade a lot and. I would like to request a (R) Kanade x Reader to fill my Kanade shaped hole in my feelings and my brain. Thank you!

{Kanade general headcanons!} [R]

.‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿.

)─── ･ ｡ﾟ*.☽ .* •ﾟ. ───(

Taking care of Kanade. This shouldn't be a surprise, especially if the relationship was planned, which it should be with Kanade. And with taking care of her I mean in more than one way!

Physically! Make sure she gets at least one walk around the block daily, accompanying her and making small talk to distract her from the tired feeling on her legs! Trust me, even this is far better than what she'd do normally...

Mentally! Check up on her every half an hour once she stuffs herself into her room, or simply stay with her inside! Chat with her to ensure that she isn't overworking, or stressing out over anything!

And emotionally! Keep her spirits up by complimenting her work, and ensuring that her will stays strong! This may be easy at first, but it does start to get tough once her father comes into the mix.

You'll accompany her with her visits to her father, and eventually he'll accept you to take care of his kid! After all, he can notice how different Kanade is alongside you, in a good way!

"You know, I was a little scared of introducing you to him, but... I remember now, how kind he always was to me when we were young... He praised me, took care of me, inspired me to be better while he knew that I was leaving him behind on talent..."

Sometimes she'll start to feel bad again, and miss her old life. It's up to you to ensure that these small periods of time don't end with her overworking or refusing to eat as she used to do before she met Nightcord!

Now, dates. Most of the time, you'll spend visiting her in her home, and just relaxing. The shut in likes to analyze music in various shows and movies, so your couch watching sessions will definitely be a unique experience!

She'll teach you all about the specific details of music that most people watching these films don't know about! Not just with music though, sound effects are in her area of expertise too! It's wild to see how much she knows.

However, you also need to take her outside from time to time, and not just on walks! Go buy her a drink, or maybe even eat at a nearby restaurant! Trust me, the experience will 100% inspire her once more. She can draw ideas out of practically anything.

Maybe you can even convince her to go out on a picnic at a nearby field! It may take a bit into the relationship to get to this point, but having her lay on the grass, while you both eat sandwiches is quite the special first time...

"To be completely honest with you, I... I never imagined myself doing this. I used to think that the outdoors life and I were incompatible, but... You've shown me just how nice it can be alongside the right people. That's right, I don't think this experience would've been this special without someone like you next to me. You have no idea how much I appreciate you..."

Outside of dates, you'll also learn to brush and wash her hair! Yeah, she may know how to do it, but it's so much more relaxing for her when you do it instead... It definitely helps a lot with her nerves and stress.

And also you'll be the first person she shows her demos to before showing them to Nightcord! At first you'll just compliment her, but as she teaches you about musical theory, you may even get the chance to make helpful constructive feedback!

She'll also enjoy you bringing extra clothes over to feel what other ways of dressing feel like! She definitely doesn't like fancy stuff, but it's definitely gonna be a massive success when you convince her to buy a hoodie, or a new jacket!

Overall, life with Kanade as your partner is sweet, and overall quite a calm experience. You definitely need to help her out with her own problems, and to take care of her lifestyle, but when she shows such kindness and love in return, it's clear how worth it it is.

[mrscorcoran]

One more secret won't hurt / Bunny x reader

Part 1

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Chapter 2: Encounter with the weirdos

Sundays are for walking. Just like Saturdays are for reading and Mondays are for crying. It feels natural, meant to be. The college is surrounded by miles of woods, dissected by dozens of trails in every direction. A dream campus for an avid hiker. If I could, I’d spend my every waking hour exploring every trail, every nook and cranny of this beautiful Vermont wilderness. But trying to be a semi-functional adult that passes all her classes, I decided I’d dedicate only my Sundays to this hobby. Being responsible sucks ass.

But I am nothing in my soul if not responsible. So, on Saturdays, I made my way down to the little library to work on the week’s assignments and papers. Being a literature major means most of my day is spent reading and writing. I enjoy the reading part, but writing can be such a pain in the ass, having to find exactly the right word to describe something, having to come up with a combination of words in an order that’s never been done before or it’s plagiarism, and don’t get me started on writer’s block. Knowing I get to explore a new path the next day is what gets me through these harrowing Saturdays.

So, I make my way to the library, my bag hanging off my shoulder, full of assignments due way too soon, screaming in agony to be completed. It’s 8 a.m. Too early for there to be too many people in the library on a Saturday. It buys me a few hours of reading with no distractions. It’s not like I have issues staying focused, like ADHD or something, I’m just extremely nosey. At least that’s what I tell myself to avoid taking meds.

I find an empty table near a window and sit down. I put on my noise cancelling headphones just in case, pull my copy of Frankenstein out of my bag, and start reading. Of course, I’ve read it a hundred times before, but now that I gotta analyze it for an essay, I find my brain completely blank. What original thought could I possibly have about a 200-year-old book that hasn’t been said before? What could I analyze that hasn’t been analyzed from a hundred different perspectives already? Maybe re-reading it will jiggle a decent idea out of my fried-out brain.

After a few dozen pages and exactly zero ideas, I put the book down and remove my headphones to take a small break. I release a heavy, exhausted sigh and rub my eyes. With my ears free of the headphones, I notice the library is not so quiet anymore. I look up and immediately spot the source of the noise. A few tables away I see a small group of people dressed oddly formal, discussing something in a strange language. Latin, maybe? Greek? Specifically, one of the boys is the source of the commotion. He’s not screaming; in fact, he’s using a regular speaking tone, but in a library that’s pretty much the same thing.  The others reply to his arguments in whispers, but this does not make the blond guy speak any lower.

I have seen this group around campus, talking amongst themselves and disappearing into the vine covered building, but I’ve never seen any of them in any of my classes. I haven’t paid too much attention to them, but it’s not hard to notice they are a bit odd.

The redhead seems annoyed, his head buried in a notebook while he aggressively scribbles something down, not paying any attention to the loud discussion happening around him. The only girl sitting with them is very pretty. She’s listening carefully and offering a few words here and there. The guy sitting next to her looks exactly like her but with shorter hair. I assume they’re either twins or it’s a very freaky coincidence. He also seems a bit disinterested in the outcome of the discourse, rolling his eyes a few times at the other boys. The two other dark-haired guys are the most involved, pointing at something in one of the books, and then at some scribbles in a notebook.

But the loud one, the blond guy with the glasses, is the one that caught my eye. I’d say that’s easy to do when you’re being this loud in a quiet place, but it’s not the loudness. He looks so excited, speaking in that gibberish sounding language, his hands moving around wildly, as if he’s trying to prove the most important point ever. He has my full attention. I stare at his lips, trying to make sense of any of the sounds, when I finally catch a few English words.

- “But that would make no sense though! Why would they be sailing to Carthage to attack?” then a few more words in the strange language. “See? It’s the aorist!”

- “Why are you so stubborn? We can just use the locative case, you can remove the epi if you don’t think they’re going to attack, and those who think they will just keep the epi. Problem solved,” said one of the dark-haired boys.

Holy shit. Even in English I have no idea what they’re talking about. Sounds like they’re trying to translate a very complicated text.

I keep staring at them, occasionally glancing down at my book to be less obvious. His energy is so contagious, how are the rest of them not scream-speaking like him? I have no clue what they’re even disagreeing on, but I’m on his side. He almost looks out of place here, like he should be on a pirate ship somewhere, yelling out orders, or maybe on a T.V. ad, trying to sell something outrageous with a surprising success rate, not here in a quiet library, talking about whatever ‘Carthage’ is.

My book is forgotten on the table after a while. It’s not shaping up to be a very productive Saturday after all. When I look down at my watch, I realize it’s almost noon. I see the group packing up their stuff and making their way out of the library, probably to grab some lunch. I should do the same, so I pack my half-read book and my blank notebook into my bag and start resignedly walking to my dorm to get food. I don’t think this Frankenstein paper is going to get written soon. My mind is still on the mysterious group, and the loud guy that seemingly stole more than just a bit of my attention.

[ryuichirou]

Hey there, Ryuichi! 👋🏻

i hope you do not mind asking me this, but you're one of my favourite Artists 💕 and i noticed how frequently you post your art and it makes me wonder how much your drawing in your free time...?

I used to be an artist myself just like you, but unfortunately, i lost my passion for it specifically because of lack of time to do so, and i lost motivation 💔 (another reason might also be that i tend to compare my art to other talented artist which makes me insecure) i haven't drawn in years. I want to get back to it! but i just can't find the motivation like i mentioned earlier, which is why i wanted to ask you: How do you find the Time/Motivation to draw? and if you have any tips?

I'm also staying anonymous cuz I'm shy 👉🏻👈🏻

Hi Anon!

Thank you for such a sweet ask, I am very happy and honoured to hear that I’m one of your favourite artists.

To answer your question, I spend pretty much every free moment drawing, but that’s just because I am so used to drawing all the time. This has been my main activity for almost my entire life lol so I don’t really get art blocks or dips in motivation. But I still understand what you’re talking about.

To be honest, despite drawing pretty much all day, these days I have ~3 hours of free time drawing for myself (except weekends), because I spend the rest of the time working, which is also drawing… Although ~3 hours probably doesn’t sound like “having no time to draw”, it’s usually not enough for me, I guess? So I have to prioritize certain ideas and simplify sketches sometimes, with the idea that I’ll get back to them and fix/add to them later. So if you can get an hour or even 30 minutes of free time to just sit down and draw just a little bit, even if it’s just doodling some ideas for the future (remember that you can always come back to them later) or studies, it would be great, because it’ll get your brain working in that direction again. Don’t stress it too much; once again, even if it’s just a little sketch of a flying head, it’s something. Which means it’s good! Some days you’ll have more time and energy and you’ll draw more. Some days you’ll barely draw anything, but this repetition is still very important. I guess the first tip I’m trying to give you is that it’s important to have discipline and create a timeslot for your drawing, preferably every day or every other day. Just to kick things off.

When it comes to comparing yourself to others, yeah it can be a serious issue that kills your motivation. And it’s easy to say “just don’t do that”, but I’ll still say it in a bit of a different way: try to keep in mind that if this artist was able to do that, it’s not unachievable for you. I usually try to either get inspired by other artists or to analyze them, trying to look for what exactly there is that I love about their art and would like to do myself. But also, you don’t have to draw like them. It’s cheesy, but no one can do what you do other than you.

When it comes to the likes, because it can be upsetting sometimes when you look at the numbers that other people make despite you having similar content, try to either ignore it altogether (another “easy to say” advice, I know) or keep in mind that there are other reasons behind the number of likes and not just the art itself.

We usually look at the artists whose skill is so stupidly high that it doesn’t feel like a competition anymore lol So we can only look at them in awe…and think about how to recreate some of the effects from their work.

Another very important thing that I love to talk about is that you should remember how fun it feels to draw. Try to think what made you fall in love with drawing and what your favourite thing to draw was. Indulge in it, draw it as many times as you want. Draw any idea you have an inkling for, even if it feels weird or stupid; I genuinely think that it makes the creative part of your brain work better and makes you enjoy the process of drawing more. Art is hard, it requires discipline, but it shouldn’t feel as a chore.

Overall, I hope you’ll find both time and motivation to draw and to have fun with it. Good luck and thank you again!

Have a great day.

[serialreporter]

apparently i never talked about survivor ! danny on here. so here's a little bit of info on that:

i think the funniest idea to go with on this is literally nothing changes - character wise for him. he's still a narcissistic serial killer back home, he's just a survivor in the realms instead. probably wouldn't of gotten taken by the fog right after roseville though. i'd say a few months before he came to florida.

definitely not the most altruistic. he'll prioritize his own well-being above all else. HOWEVER, he understands that in order to increase the chances of getting out alive, they need to work together. which is... easier said than done. his entire life, danny has pretty much worked alone.

so what that means is this. he will pay close attention to who he gets put into a trial with. he will analyze how they perform in these situations and deduct who the weakest links are. he's more likely to throw those people under the bus especially if they're not contributing anything to getting out and spend the entire time hiding and running away. but also,, it's the sadistic, horror loving part of his brain too who can't pass up the chance to witness terrified people being hunted down and killed. he justifies it by saying they weren't being any help, but he's also just 👀

he's a stealthy bitch. LITERALLY a bitch to find if you're the killer, because he's just that good at hiding and sneaking away. and he's smart, too. he's very good at predicting where the killer is gonna go or do, and similarly with survivors. seems to always be at the right place at the right time, because of it. he's notable for pallet stun or flashlight saves bc of it.

he kinda. has a masochistic mentality regarding it. because the fucked up horor loving gremlin in his brain is pretty hype about being in the trials, even if it's utter hell. he over all just seems wayyy too comfortable with the way things are, and honestly it wouldn't be shocking if other survivors were like 'dude wtf' @ him.

OH YEAH, and his perks! which are basically just a reverse of the ghostface perks.

takes one to know one

you're intimately familiar with the ins and outs of what it takes to be a real killer. because of this, you have a special bit of insight when it comes to predicting where and how the killer will strike next. every time the killer goes into it's special power, their aura becomes highlighted to you for 8 seconds.

"This isn't my first rodeo, it's not even my tenth." — Danny Johnson.

hop skip town

the years you spent on the move and covering your tracks has taught you a thing or two about making a grand escape from the scene at large. when injured, press the action button to activate this perk, hiding your scratch marks and pools of blood for 15 seconds.

"It's almost as funny as watching the cops scramble to find me." — Danny Johnson.

teacher's pet

the entity is entertained by your antics and the stakes your presence brings to the trial. if a survivor is picked up while you are within 8 meters of the killer, you are granted the ability to call upon the entity to block the nearest hook for 25 seconds.

"I think she's a fan." — Danny Johnson.

[raspberryfem]

hmmmmmm ok so

i was probably like 11 or 12? but i was already engaging in fandom-style behavior on my own as a child, eg, making fan playlists, spending excessive time thinking & daydreaming about media, etc

i am still pretty heavily engaged in fandom tbh (on a very different blog lol), but now that i'm an adult woman (and a medicated, more mentally healthy person) i am capable of engaging in healthier ways. i have more friends (and more work) that keeps me busier, so i don't read fanfiction as much as i used to. i think, in terms of 'disengaging,' it's more that i disengaged from specific communities and their terminally-online fan wars (think pro vs anti shipper) than from fandom as a concept, if that makes sense? like, i'm always going to be invested in stories in this way, but now i'm capable of making more educated, healthy decisions about who i associate with. the block button is a great friend to me, and if i don't feel the fan community for a certain thing is a constructive force in my life, i'm comfortable being a fan on my own.

huuuuuuge question here lol. i think the issue is again that women in fandom culture aren't a monolith, so there are a lot of different reasons people might be into m/m content. for me, i've posted some on my blog about how male slash content was a coping mechanism that allowed me to read romance without a) being grossed out by f/m content and b) becoming too overwhelmed by the loneliness and depression of being a lesbian teenager, or to be more specific, it was romance that didn't make me feel like i was missing out, because i didn't want a gay male relationship. for other girls/women who are attracted to men, it's often a combination of fetishizing gay males while engaging with romance content that doesn't have to tackle the issue of patriarchy and sexism. i could say a lot more on this topic, but i have to get back to my homework, so maybe later.

somewhat? i feel like it's kind of a given, especially if you're a child/teenager in fandom, bc it's usually the impetus for leaning so heavily into fandom in my experience. i think it's more often joked about than deeply analyzed, and that's because usually people enter fandom spaces for a reprieve from their troubles. nobody wants to discuss their mental health issues in detail, they want to read things that make them happy. but i don't think it would be fair to say it's never talked about or that no one in fandom is mentally healthy, again i think it just varies a ton depending on what fandoms you're in/what social media you use/what fandom events you go to in person & such

overall, i think that most people in fandom got into it because, at some point in their life, media of some kind was the main thing that made them happy. for many people that's still true, and for many people, they are healthier but still enjoy fandom bc it is a fun, familiar, and comforting thing to do. it has plenty of issues, especially in terms of misogyny, homophobia, and mental health issues, but i definitely think there are plenty of healthy ways to enjoy fan communities. i would say that the main issue is that many people who enter fandom are very young & often mentally ill, and so they have not yet learned how to engage in a safe and healthy manner. as a result, it's often a trial by fire that certainly could exasperate mental health conditions, but fanfiction/fandom doesn't inherently do so.

I don't hate fan fiction because it's not original material or whatever. I hate fan fiction because it seems like everyone who is into it has serious mental health issues.

And I realize that it's a chicken/egg situation so there's no way to tell if being immersed in it tanks your wellbeing or if you get into it at your lowest point. What I do see is that it doesn't make you any better and definitely makes things way worse.